Your source for famous proverbs
Currently featuring 40,281 quotes and sayings

<< Previous    1  [2]    Next >>

Woody Allen quotes page 2

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Woody Allen

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Woody Allen

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a
hundred.
Woody Allen

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Woody Allen

I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the
city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're
a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman.
Woody Allen

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
Woody Allen

I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God... the worst that you can say about him is that basically
he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Woody Allen

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious
conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Woody Allen

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not
loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be
happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right
man and the right woman.
Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it's
pretty damn good.
Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip
to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
Woody Allen

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.
Woody Allen

Some men are heterosexual and some men are homosexual, and some men don't think about
sex at all. They become lawyers.
Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your
way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen

It's better to be rich than poor if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen

It's worse than dog eats dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
Woody Allen

My wife got the house, the car, the bank account, and if I marry again and have children, she
gets them too.
Woody Allen

If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
Woody Allen

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid on my
carpet.
Woody Allen

94.5 per cent of all statistics are made up.
Woody Allen

How to make God laugh: tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting
thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.
Woody Allen

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good
hand.
Woody Allen

I'm not the heroic type. I was beaten up by quakers.
Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the
divorce papers.
Woody Allen

<< Previous    1  [2]    Next >>