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Steven Wright quotes page 3

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, 
somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Steven Wright

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Steven Wright

Smoking cures weight problems - eventually.
Steven Wright

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Steven Wright

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Steven Wright

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before
I died would be "Unquote."
Steven Wright

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Steven Wright

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Steven Wright

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was
confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."
Steven Wright

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Steven Wright

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