Steven Wright quotes

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
Steven Wright

They say we're 98 per cent water. That means if you drink one glass of water, you're in
grave danger of drowning.
Steven Wright

I went to a museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all
the other museums.
Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright

He's a millionaire. He made all his money designing the little diagrams that tell you which
way to put batteries in.
Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time.
Steven Wright

If you tell a joke in the forest but nobody laughs, is it still a joke?
Steven Wright