Smoking quotes page 2
Smokers, male and female, inject and excuse idleness in their lives every time they light
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did
I've quit smoking. I feel better, I smell better, and it's safer to drink out of old beer cans
around the house.
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes.
Nonsmokers - this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.
You see, I know you entertain some type of eternal life fantasy because you do not smoke
cigarettes. May I be the first to pop that little fucking bubble of yours? And you know what
doctors say? "Shit, if only you smoked - we'd have the technology to help you." It's you
people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me,
man: oxygen tent, iron lung.
Smoking cures weight problems - eventually.
The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for
smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.
The nicotine patches work pretty well, but it's kind of hard to keep them lit.
I'd quit smoking if I didn't think I'd become one of those non-smokers.
Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have
time to get into mischief.
Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition, men have at all times,
and in all countries, called in some physical aid to their moral consolations - wine, beer,
opium, brandy, or tobacco.
Fresh air makes me throw up. I can't handle it. I'd rather be around three Denobili cigars
blowing in my face all night.
We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit
It's a great country, but it's a strange culture... This has got to be the only country in the
world that could ever come up with a disease like bulimia; gotta be the only country in the
world where some people have no food at all, and other people eat a nourishing meal and puke
it up intentionally. This is a country where tobacco kills 400,000 people a year, so they ban
artificial sweeteners! Because a rat died! You know what I mean? This is a place where gun
store owners are given a list of stolen credit cards, but not a list of criminals and maniacs!
And now, they're thinking about banning toy guns - and they're gonna keep the fucking real
My religion prescribed an absolute sacred rite of smoking cigars and drinking alcohol.
Sir Winston Churchill
- How can you smoke so many cigars?
- I toil after it, sir, as some men toil after virtue.
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes Contain Fat."
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend.
Men are like cigars, If you don't attend to them, they go out.
Life without smoking is like the smoke without the roast.
Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health. However, I
always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully
placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends:
"Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?" Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding
the sacred aspect of mustaches.
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
Chuck Norris smokes only the finest Cuban cigar rollers.
Chuck Norris jokes
This very night I am going to leave off Tobacco! Surely there must be some other world in
which this unconquerable purpose shall be realized.
Let's do what it takes to bring teen smoking down. Let's raise the price of cigarettes by up to
$1.50 a pack over the next 10 years with penalties on the tobacco industry if it keeps
marketing to our children.
If you think that one individual can't make a difference in the world, consider what one cigar
can do in a nine-room house.
Cigarettes are a much cheaper and more widely available alternative to nicotine patches.
The cell phone people say there's absolutely no danger from cell phone radiation. Boy, it
didn't take those tobacco executives long to find new jobs, did it?
It takes a lot of dedication to quit smoking, and whether you give up for good on your first
try or have to give it a couple of tries - just keep swinging at it and you will succeed.
Smoking I find the most ridiculous of all the varieties of human behavior and practically the
only one that is entirely against nature. Can you imagine a cow or any animal taking a
mouthful of smoldering straw then breathing in the smoke and blowing it out through its
Habit is stronger than reason.
To some, the cigarette is a portable therapist.
I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little
pieces of paper, and put them in my mouth.
There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a
hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.