Sex quotes page 1
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught me how to beg, and he taught my wife
how to roll over and play dead.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep
in mind next time you're looking for a used car.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the
feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Sex is an emotion in motion.
When I saw her sex tape, all I could think of were Paris Hilton's poor parents. The shame, the
shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film... in a Marriott hotel.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten
My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean
and sex was dirty.
All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the
bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
I consider sex a misdemeanor; the more I miss, de meaner I get.
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex
again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.
The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, "Soon you'll be able to
have sex." I said, "I've heard that for years."
England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.
Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high-five.
Chuck Norris jokes
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to
a man, it's five dollars a minute.
Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country
you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need
sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
You could lay your pussy on a table right in front of a man and still not know what he's
Sex and the City, 1998
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful - provided you get between the right
man and woman.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he
George Bernard Shaw
I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.
- Your fly-buttons are undone.
- No matter. The dead bird does not leave the nest.
Sir Winston Churchill
On my 85th birthday, I felt like a 20-year-old. But there wasn't one around.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush
this natural gift.
I wonder if she actually had an orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in
women. Chief among these is the Mercedes 380SL convertible.
P. J. O'Rourke
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with
other men. There is a three-year waiting list.
Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.
Hunter S. Thompson
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
I had a wank in the car the other day. I won't be doing that again. The cab driver was furious.