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Sex quotes page 4

 

My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.
Emo Philips

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different
things. Men want women and women want men.
George Burns

I need sex for a clear complexion, but I'd rather do it for love.
Joan Crawford

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
Cary Grant

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman.
Jack Nicholson

Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
Anon

A man has missed something if he has never left a brothel at dawn feeling like throwing
himself into the river out of sheer disgust with life.
Gustave Flaubert

All human beings connect sex and love - except for men.
Roseanne Barr

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
Lynda Montgomery

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller

My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not
fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
William Somerset Maugham

He's so generous, he'll go out, get two blowjobs, come back and give you one of them.
Milton Berle

A man not honorable in his marital relations is not usually honorable in any other.
Harry Truman

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.
Frank Zappa

If you're a young male, you live in a sexual tyranny anyway. You could be in a car crash,
lying in a ditch, thinking, "What is the erotic twist of this situation?"
Dylan Moran

Is your vagina listed in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be. Hottest spot in
town. Always open!
Sex and the City, Charlotte York

Foreplay is like beefburgers - three minutes on each side.
Victoria Wood

The thing women like most in bed is breakfast.
Robin Williams

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming
quickly.
Mel Brooks

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference
between the sexes.
Oscar Wilde

Oh yes, I've tried my hand at sex.
Emo Philips

I haven't left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories
are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election,
erection! Either way we're screwed!
Bette Midler

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Homer Simpson

Eroticism is one of the basic means of self-knowledge, as indispensible as poetry.
Anais Nin

I have so little sex appeal my gynaecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is
simply a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz

I don't see what the big deal is about same-sex marriage. Every married couple I know has
the same sex all the time.
Jim Rosenberg

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
Frederike Ryder

Sex is... perfectly natural. It's something that's pleasurable. It's enjoyable and it enhances a
relationship. So why don't we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with
ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual?
Sue Johanson

Now that I'm 78, I do tantric sex because it's very slow. My favourite position is called the
plumber. You stay in all day but nobody comes.
John Mortimer

Sex and golf are the only things you can enjoy without being any good at them.
Jimmy Demarest

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral
sex, no matter how bad it is.
Barbara Bush

I think it is funny that we were freer about sexuality in the 4th century B.C. It is a little
disconcerting.
Angelina Jolie

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic
reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman

Easy is an adjective used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
Nancy Linn-Desmond

I once made love to a female clown. She twisted my penis into a poodle.
Dan Whitney

Who is this Greek chap Clitoris they're talking about?
Lord Albermarle

I have so much cybersex, my baby's first words will probably be, "You've got mail."
Paulara Hawkins


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