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Robin Williams quotes page 1

born July 21, 1951; American actor and stand-up comedian

Divorce comes from the latin word divorcerum meaning "to have your genitals torn through
your wallet."
Robin Williams

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Robin Williams

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Robin Williams

If you have a parrot, do not leave them in the bedroom. They hear everything. All of a
sudden, you'll have guests over for dinner and the parrot will go "not the ass!"
Robin Williams

If women ran the world, there would not be wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Robin Williams

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but only enough blood supply to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
Robin Williams

I have a GPS in my car. I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, I was halfway across,
and all of a sudden the car went "take a right turn."
Robin Williams

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is
losing a trailer.
Robin Williams

The thing women like most in bed is breakfast.
Robin Williams

I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time.
He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on
this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.
Robin Williams

Comedy is acting out optimism.
Robin Williams

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is
to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
Robin Williams

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Robin Williams

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm
bears, whatever the hell you want to do!
Robin Williams

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
Robin Williams

You have this myth, as the father, that if you're there at the birth, you're sharing the birthing
experience. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so.
Robin Williams

Shakespeare wrote, "Kill all the lawyers." That was before agents.
Robin Williams

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your
child as an adult saying, "I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award." The other is,
"You want fries with that?"
Robin Williams

Marriage is a triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Robin Williams

People say satire is dead. It is not dead. It's alive and living in the White House.
Robin Williams

The first time I ate whole-grain bread I swear it tasted like roofing material.
Robin Williams

And you know that if they legalize it, they'll have to regulate it, which means that they'll
have to put a message on a box of joints, it'll say, "Surgeon General has determined this will
make your music... awesome! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons before..."
Robin Williams

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying
attention to.
Robin Williams

Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.
Robin Williams

I like my wine like my women: ready to pass out.
Robin Williams

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If
you commit a crime, the police will say, "Stop, or I'll say stop again."
Robin Williams

If you want comedy, there is always Sarah Palin.
Robin Williams

The definition of pornography is quite simple. Erotic is using a feather, pornography is using
the entire chicken.
Robin Williams

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of course he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives
with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's
gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!
Robin Williams

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Robin Williams

Spring is nature's way of saying: "Let's party!"
Robin Williams

Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same
reasons.
Robin Williams

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not
good.
Robin Williams

You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheney is drinking water.
Robin Williams

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