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Restaurant quotes

Once in a restaurant I made a toast to my wife, "To the best woman a man ever had." The
waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield

If the sign on the restaurant uses the word Cuisine, it will be expensive. If they use the word Food, it will be moderately priced. However, if the sign says Eats, even though you'll save some money on food, your medical bills will be quite high.
George Carlin

Nouelle cuisine is so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have
been all over it.
Julia Child

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant - better left unstirred.
P. G. Wodehouse

Eating out is so expensive. I went to one restaurant and instead of having prices on the
menu, they just had pictures of faces with different expressions of horror.
Rita Rudner

Can we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really need to be reminded every time we go out to a
nice restaurant that we have no idea what we're doing? Why don't they just give us a
trigonometry quiz with the menu?
Jerry Seinfeld

I do not understand why, when I ask for grilled lobster in a restaurant, I'm never served a
cooked telephone.
Salvador Dali

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese
Henry Youngman

The church is close, but the road is icey. The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully.
Russian proverb

Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. Although, if you do see me in a
restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.
Andy Rooney

I once had dinner in a topless restaurant. I was really looking forward to it, but all the staff
were men.
Emo Philips

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not
enough to get you interrupted when you eat.
Fran Lebowitz

My hotel philosophy agrees with that of Boswell as expressed in his Life of Dr. Johnson:
"There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is
produced as by a good tavern or inn."
Conrad Hilton

Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go
to jobs.
Bill Gates

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like fries with that?"
Jay Leno

Celebrity has its uses. I can always get a seat in any restaurant.
Julia Child

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two
times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go
Henry Youngman

What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?
Bill Murray, Lost In Translation

Don't take every ill to the doctor, or every quarrel to the lawyer, or every thirst to the
Uruguayan proverb

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an
hour later, you're hungry for power.
Dick Cavett

There's no smoking in restaurants in Los Angeles. Which is a bit ironic, considering that you
can't breathe the air outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
Greg Proops

Great restaurants are, of course, nothing but mouth brothels.
Frederic Raphael

The golden rule when reading the menu is, if you can't pronounce it, you can't afford it.
Frank Muir

The disparity between a restaurant's price and the food quality rises in direct proportion to
the size of the pepper mill.
Bryan Miller

The quality of food in a restaurant exists in inverse proportion to the quality of the view.
James Beard

Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means, "I can't believe I paid two hundred dollars and I'm
still hungry."
Mike Kalina

A hold-up man walks into a Chinese restaurant, and he says, "Give me all your money." The
man says, "To go?"
Slappy White

McDonald's is closing a hundred and fifty locations. Clearasil immediately reduced their
workforce by half.
Conan O'Brien