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Henry Youngman quotes page 4

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
Henry Youngman

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
Henry Youngman

A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone
rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"
Henry Youngman

My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henry Youngman

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.
Henry Youngman

In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the
season, the crowd was yelling, "We want Youngman! We want Youngman!" The coach says,
"Youngman - go see what they want!"
Henry Youngman

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
Henry Youngman

I missed my nap today. Slept right through it.
Henry Youngman

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at
all.
Henry Youngman

I've got all the money I need, if I die by four o'clock.
Henry Youngman

Dancing on pointe... Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henry Youngman

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