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George Burns quotes page 2

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different
things. Men want women and women want men.
George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the
two as close together as possible.
George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything
that's down can come up.
George Burns

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth
or the fourteenth.
George Burns

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a
little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
George Burns

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now -
I'm booked.
George Burns

Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65, I still had pimples.
George Burns

I look better, feel better, make love better, and I'll tell you something else: I never lied better.
George Burns

If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns

Happiness? A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman. Or a bad woman; it
depends on how much happiness you can handle.
George Burns

"Money is the root of all evil." Then we hear, "A fool and his money are soon parted." What are
they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, "A wise man and his money are soon
parted?" And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools
who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.
George Burns

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the
age of a hundred.
George Burns

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns

First of all you've got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did.
George Burns

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