Fran Lebowitz quotes page 1

born October 27, 1950; American author

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and
fun to cheat.
Fran Lebowitz

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good
cut of meat.
Fran Lebowitz

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.
Fran Lebowitz

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Fran Lebowitz

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism
triumphed over democracy.
Fran Lebowitz

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a
tail.
Fran Lebowitz

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
Fran Lebowitz

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
Fran Lebowitz

The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now
have a country that can be told blatant lies - easily checkable, blatant lies - and I'm not
talking about the covert workings of the CIA. When we have a terrorist attack, on September
11, 2001 with 19 men - 15 of them are Saudis - and five minutes later the whole country
thinks they're from Iraq — how can you have faith in the public? This is an easily checkable
fact. The whole country is like the O.J. Simpson jurors.
Fran Lebowitz

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is.
Fran Lebowitz

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
Fran Lebowitz

The controversial overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible,
but not attractive.
Fran Lebowitz

My favorite animal is steak.
Fran Lebowitz

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one
unnecessary iota.
Fran Lebowitz

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you
play or or not.
Fran Lebowitz

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
Fran Lebowitz

Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.
Fran Lebowitz

Think before you speak. Read before you think.
Fran Lebowitz

Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do.
Fran Lebowitz

I often used to say, the more parties there were for a book, the worse the book was.
Fran Lebowitz

If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you've imagined. Venice is. Venice is better.
Fran Lebowitz

Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and
"What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your
manuscript?", "Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"
Fran Lebowitz

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is
simply a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz

I used to love to write. As a child I used to write all the time. I loved to write up until the
second I got my first professional writing job. It turns out it's not that I hate to write. I hate,
simply, to work.
Fran Lebowitz

If men knew all that women think, they'd be twenty times more daring.
Fran Lebowitz

Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I've ever encountered.
Fran Lebowitz

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the
heavy petting of literature.
Fran Lebowitz

I doubt there's ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.
Fran Lebowitz

When someone asks, "Why do you think he's not calling me?" there's always one answer -
"He's not interested." There's not ever any other answer.
Fran Lebowitz

Your right to wear a mint-green polyester leisure suit ends where it meets my eyes.
Fran Lebowitz

Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Fran Lebowitz

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best
possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the
unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't
hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.
Fran Lebowitz

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a
taxicab.
Fran Lebowitz

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
Fran Lebowitz

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this
just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.
Fran Lebowitz

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