Ellen DeGeneres quotes page 2
For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became
comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking.
The drinking. Then I turned 13.
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything
wrong? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So,
rather than seeing if some perfume irritates a bunny rabbit's eyes, they should throw it in
Charles Manson's eyes and ask him if it hurts.
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a
beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened
to me has taught me compassion.
I'll see stray dogs wandering in front of houses and they look so sad. I just feel compelled to
do something to rescue them. Sometimes it's hard because they're tied on a leash on
someone's front lawn, so you've got to untie it. Or worse, they're behind a fence, so you
need wire cutters (which I always have in my car) to get them out. "C'mon, girl. I'll rescue
you and find your owners."
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they
really don't even have to be an issue.
Penguins mate for life. Which doesn't exactly surprise me that much 'cause they all look alike
- it's not like they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.
Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you
realize you've never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden
you say to yourself, "Life in the Fast Lane?" That's what they're saying right there? You
think, "why have I been singing 'wipe in the vaseline?" how many people have heard me sing
"wipe in the vaseline?" I am an idiot!
People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant.
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are
they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know
for sure... I think.
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be
times when you fail, and both are equally important.
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of
these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce
the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Don't you hate when people are late to work? And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh,
I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in?"
In Hollywood, children don't wear masks on Halloween. Instead, they usually dress up as
agents, valet parkers, or second-unit directors.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's
cute, I taught her that.
High heels should be outlawed (at the very least there should be a five-day waiting period
before you can buy them). They destroy your feet. It should be mandatory that the Surgeon
General print a warning label on high heels like they do on a package of cigarettes (i.e.
Warning: These shoes can lead to lower back pain, aching toes, and the illusion that you're
taller than you actually are).
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who
When I was growing up, we had a petting zoo, and a heavy petting zoo - for people who
really liked the animals a lot.
If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck
with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions, by what we do.
When you're walking down the street and you think you've spotted your favorite celebrity but
you want to be sure, just remember this rule of thumb: A horse sweats, a man perspires, a
woman glows - but only a celebrity twinkles.
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on
an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think
people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in
the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it
even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or
crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster." Emote. It's okay. It shows you are
thinking and feeling.