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Dorothy Parker quotes page 1

1893 - 1967, American author and poet

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
Dorothy Parker

I require only three things of a man: He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Dorothy Parker

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
Dorothy Parker

Women and elephants never forget.
Dorothy Parker

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it
darts away.
Dorothy Parker

Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Dorothy Parker

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Dorothy Parker

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that
something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.
Dorothy Parker

Hangover: the wrath of grapes.
Dorothy Parker

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I
hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.
Dorothy Parker

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Dorothy Parker

As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.
Dorothy Parker

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
Dorothy Parker

Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you
could get away with dishonesty.
Dorothy Parker

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
Dorothy Parker

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say NO in any of them.
Dorothy Parker

I prefer to have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Dorothy Parker

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including
here, it was against her better judgment.
Dorothy Parker

I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.
Dorothy Parker

Lips that taste of tears, they say are the best for kissing.
Dorothy Parker

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Dorothy Parker

It's a small apartment - I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.
Dorothy Parker

Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?
Dorothy Parker

This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be hurled with great force.
Dorothy Parker

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found
my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
Dorothy Parker

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let
the air out of the tires.
Dorothy Parker

Excuse me, I have to use the toilet. Actually, I have to use the telephone, but I'm too
embarrassed to say so.
Dorothy Parker

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.
Dorothy Parker

If I had any decency, I'd be dead. Most of my friends are.
Dorothy Parker

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed."
Dorothy Parker

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
Dorothy Parker

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive
at a point of exquisite dullness.
Dorothy Parker

See the happy moron,
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I were a moron,
My God! Perhaps I am!
Dorothy Parker

If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
Dorothy Parker

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
Dorothy Parker

Men don't like nobility in woman. Not any men. I suppose it is because the men like to have
the copyrights on nobility - if there is going to be anything like that in a relationship.
Dorothy Parker

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