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Doctor quotes page 1

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease.
French proverb

Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.
David Letterman

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
English proverb

I went to the doctor the other day. I said, "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me
a kite.
Tommy Cooper

Practice self-sufficiency. Don't remain a dependent, malleable patient: Become your own
soul's doctor.

The doctor of the future will give no medication, but will interest his patients in the care of
the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease.
Thomas A. Edison

Disease increases in proportion to the increase in the number of doctors in a place.
Mahatma Gandhi

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look,
Rodney Dangerfield

A natural death is where you die without the aid of a doctor.
Mark Twain

If I'd taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived
to go to his funeral.
George Burns

A lot of people are running off to a doctor, getting Valium or Prozac or whatever, for their
anxiety. What they should be dealing with is the cause of the anxiety, which is fear. And that
is an emotional state caused by doubt or worry. Understand this - you get rid of it by facing
Bob Proctor

A good laugh and long sleep are the two best cures in the doctor's book.
Irish proverb

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He said, "Were a brown tie."
Rodney Dangerfield

Words are doctors for the diseased temper.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man
lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!
Henry Youngman

The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, "Soon you'll be able to
have sex." I said, "I've heard that for years."
David Letterman

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve Martin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to
have a few drinks and get some rest.
Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield

Laugh at the world. Most important, laugh at yourself. If laughter could be dispensed at your
favorite drugstore, your family doctor would have you taking some every day. It's a much
better way to live.
Og Mandino

Don't take every ill to the doctor, or every quarrel to the lawyer, or every thirst to the
Uruguayan proverb

Do not listen to a fat doctor who smokes telling you what it takes to be healthy.
Larry Winget

The doctor should be opaque to his patients, and like a mirror, should show them nothing but
what is shown to him.
Sigmund Freud

When I was born, my mother asked the doctor, "Will she live?" He said: "Only if you take your
foot off her throat!"
Joan Rivers

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"
Henry Youngman

People don't actually die of natural "causes." It's just something doctors use because there's
only so many times you can say, "Chuck Norris did it again" in one day.
Chuck Norris jokes

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other
Orson Welles

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I feel ten years
older already.
Milton Berle

I'm not feeling too well. I need a doctor immediately. Quick, call the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx

A doctor and farmer know more than a doctor alone.
German proverb

It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a
doctor working at an incubator.
Dylan Moran

Only a doctor can kill you without punishment.
Hungarian proverb

Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask
his patients what is the matter - he's got to just know.
Will Rogers

When the doctor broke the news that I had cancer, I said, "Tell me straight, Doc, how long
do I have?" He said, "Ten..." I said, "Ten what? Years, months, weeks?" He said, "9, 8, 7..."
Bob Monkhouse

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that he has three minutes to live. The man
says, "Doc, what can you give me?" The doctor says, "A hard-boiled egg."
Tommy Cooper

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