Doctor quotes page 2
The Westerners go to see a doctor only when they are sick, and do not see him when they
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, "I've got a doctor with
me 24 hours a day." Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
I said to my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his
We must all educate ourselves to the reality of the horrors taking place. Doctors today know
that unborn children can feel a touch within the womb and that they respond to pain.
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone
rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"
Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I had a cold and my doctor recommended coffee enemas. I can never go back to Starbucks.
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic
reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
The doctor who rides in a chair will not visit the house of the poor.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral
fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the
One thought-murder a day keeps the psychiatrist away.
Many doctors - death accomplished.
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise.
Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is
your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He have her a
Death defies the doctor.
Old joke: A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, it hurts when I do this." And the doctor
says, "Then don't do that!" That's the key to "getting a life." Stop doing the things that hurt
Eat leeks in March, garlic in May, all the rest of the year the doctors may play.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't
feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off."
He's a fool that makes a doctor his heir.
I'm not unmindful of a man's seeming need for faith; I'm for anything that gets you through
the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers, or a bottle of Jack Daniels. But to me religion is a deeply
personal thing in which man and God go it alone together, without the witch doctor in the
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Nonsmokers - this is for you
and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.
You see, I know you entertain some type of eternal life fantasy because you do not smoke
cigarettes. May I be the first to pop that little fucking bubble of yours? And you know what
doctors say? "Shit, if only you smoked - we'd have the technology to help you." It's you
people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me,
man: oxygen tent, iron lung.
Don't let yourself be
operated upon by a doctor with a shaking hand.
In high school,
Frank (Sinatra) never participated in extra-curricular activities, like nature
study, paintings or ceramics. Frank's hobby was a most interesting one: he was an amateur
If "an apple a day keeps the
doctor away," maybe a compliment a day will keep the counselor
The New England Journal of
Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10
doctors is an idiot.
I had PMS, but my doctor said, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news
is, you don't have PMS. The bad news is, you're a bitch."
gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.