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Dating quotes page 1

I was dating a transvestite. My mother said, "Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe."
Joan Rivers

When I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in
not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked at the end of it.
Jerry Seinfeld

I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm not into that one-night thing. I think a person should get to know someone and even be
in love with them before you use them and degrade them.
Steve Martin

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-
deductible.
Andy Warhol

I don't understand the whole dating thing. I know right off the bat if I'm interested in
someone, and I don't want them to waste their money on me and take me out to eat if I
know I'm not interested in that person.
Britney Spears

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was "Always."
Rita Rudner

I went out on a first date, but I don't think I'll be seeing her again. She got mad when I didn't
open the car door. I just swam to the surface.
Emo Philips

A woman waits motionless until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly.
George Bernard Shaw

A good place to meet a man is the dry cleaner's. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But I
never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.
Rodney Dangerfield

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers... Damn anthropologists.
Emo Philips

The reason rejection hurts, is because it's basically a judgement on your performance. So if
you are treating your dating life like a performance, if you are trying to impress her all the
time and pulling out all of your best lines and jokes and she rejects you - you're: "Oh, you're
a shitty performer." But if you're just being honest about who you are, like "This is who I
am... this is where I come from... this is what I think..." and she rejects you - then it shows
you that you're not right for her. That you're not compatible... Rejection actually becomes an
ally because it sorts out the right people in your life and the wrong people in your life. And 
you become ok with it. You go out, you meet a woman, and you think she's a bitch. It's
great. We're not compatible. You don't go home and worry about. You don't go on a forum
and ask guys, "How do I make her like me next time?" Because you don't care.
Mark Manson

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out from what.
Mae West

If you never want to see a man again say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have
your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
Rita Rudner

Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You have to
rock it back and forth a few times until it goes over.
Jerry Seinfeld

No man ever stuck his hand up your dress looking for a library ticket.
Joan Rivers

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start grating on your nerves.
"Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious!"
Ellen DeGeneres

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

When someone asks, "Why do you think he's not calling me?" there's always one answer -
"He's not interested." There's not ever any other answer.
Fran Lebowitz

There are two types of risk in life: the danger of trying and danger of not trying. That is to
say, there is always risk, no matter how you may try to avoid it or protect yourself. Let's say
you are interested in dating someone. It's a gamble just to call and ask the person out. You
might be turned down. But what if you don't try? After all, this wonderful person might say
yes.
Nick Vujicic

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a date date. We just ate
dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.
Dave Attell

Two out of five Irish women prefer alcohol to sex and it's just my luck to have gone out with
both of them.
Joseph O'Connor

I was dating this girl for two years, and then the nagging starts, "I wanna know your name."
Mike Binder

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.
Gary Shandling

People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is a bad idea. Four capuccinos later, your
date does not look any better.
Margot Black

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman knows.
Monica Piper

When going away for the weekend with a man, the woman has her hair cut, her bikini waxed,
borrows a skirt from her best friend, buys  new top, dyes her eyelashes, diets, fills fifteen
small plastic containers with lotion, tries on all her clothes, irons them, packs something
"sexy." The man wonders if his wellies are in the car.
Deborah McKinlay

I think... therefore I'm single.
Liz Winston

- My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me for a romantic dinner, and then we
walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and music.
- No wonder you're still a virgin.
Cheryl Frasier, Karen Krantz

I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease. I didn't realize
it was stupidity.
Gracie Hart

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