Chuck Norris jokes page 6
Chuck Norris never has to pay a prostitute for sex, partly because they are so excited that
they refuse to charge him, but mostly because he kills them.
The real reason Hitler killed himself was because he found out Chuck Norris was Jewish.
Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls "everything around you."
When Chuck Norris eats airplane food, it tastes good.
MacGyver used a paper clip, balloon, and pencil to make a building explode. Chuck Norris used
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because The Sum of all Fears was originally
the title of Chuck Norris's autobiography.
Chuck Norris built the Panama Canal with one hand.
There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off
Chuck Norris has a Boy Scout merit badge in donkey punching.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
Chuck Norris once defeated a laser beam in the hundred-meter dash.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jimmy Hoffa into the future. In the year 2060, Hoffa will
reappear and crash through the windshield of a flying car.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris is so fertile that when he bangs a chick in America, a chick in China gets
Chuck Norris is just like you and me: He puts his pants on one leg at a time. Except when he
puts his pants on, he fights North Koreans.
There are only weapons of mass destruction in Iraq when Chuck Norris visits.
All Chuck Norris wants for Christmas is your two front teeth.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72-ounce steaks in one hour. He spent the first 50 minutes of
that having sex with the waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
If you stare at the American flag long enough, a 3D image of Chuck Norris pops up.
When Chuck Norris deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the recycle bin.
He sends them to hell.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked
Chuck Norris won a gun fight with a knife.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
If someone asks Chuck Norris what his favourite song is, he roundhouse kicks them in the
face until they beg for mercy. He tells them that's music to his ears.
Chuck Norris can play Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and win.
Chuck Norris hates ballerinas because they twirl all day and not a single person gets
roundhouse-kicked in the face.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of tic-tac-toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to
get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris routinely crushes cans on his forehead. Garbage cans!
Chuck Norris invented the internet so people could talk about how great Chuck Norris is.
Every cell in Chuck Norris's body has its own beard.
Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris's house is a Total Gym.
Chuck Norris once won the Kentucky Derby riding a hungry lion.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris tightrope walked across the Pacific Ocean, stopping only once, in Guam, to
liberate it from the Spanish.
Chuck Norris can rub his stomach, pat his head, and perform an oil change at the same time.
For Chuck Norris, pimping is easy.
My wife and I decided to name our son Chuck Norris. My wife is still in a coma, and I am
learning to walk again.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this
beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris was the first black President.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there
is an equal and
opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
With an accurate kick to the neck, Chuck Norris can turn any fruit into a vegetable.
When Chuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls.