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Chuck Norris jokes page 4

Conan O'Brien once installed a lever next to his desk that, when pulled, played a clip from
Walker, Texas Ranger. In response, Chuck Norris installed a lever next to his desk that, when
pulled, played footage of Cuck Norris having sex with Conan O'Brien's wife.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Some people eat pepperoni on their pizza. Some people have mushrooms. Chuck Norris
usually has Venezuela.

Objects in Chuck Norris's rearview mirror are closer to death than they appear.

The Greek pronounciation of Chuck Norris is Zeus.

Chuck Norris went as Chuck Norris for Halloween. He got twice as much candy as anybody
else.

Chuck Norris once drowned a woman in a waterbed.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the
bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

Chuck Norris is so smart, Stephen Hawking stood up to bow down to him.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask,
"Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

When people say, "God bless America," they're really saying, "God bless Chuck Norris,"
because due to a 1952 decree by Congress, the terms "Chuck Norris" and "America" are
interchangeable.

Before he goes onstage, Chuck Norris breaks someone's leg to give himself good luck.

Chuck Norris took three of every animal on his ark. Then he called Noah a pussy and
roundhouse kicked a Minotaur.

The first rule of Chuck Norris is: You do not talk about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can start a fire with 2 ice cubes.

When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating. He's not.
He's just attacking from another direction.

Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris plans to rid the world of hunger by killing the hungry.

When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris
squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.

If you know someone who doesn't like Chuck Norris, you won't know them for long.

Chuck Norris can do a handstand with both hands tied behind his back.

It is no coincidence that the tattoo on Mike Tyson's face and the sole of Chuck Norris's
boots share the same pattern.

After completing the act of love with Chuck Norris, many women find justice running down
their inner thighs.

Chuck Norris has only one hand: The upper hand!

The jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in
heaven. The best they can now do is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.

Do you know why babies cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the
world with Chuck Norris in it.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar for every time he heard "I didn't know you could fit that in
there," he would have $47,391.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast and he shits out masterpieces.

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

Chuck Norris's heart beats once every week.

Chuck Norris has never been to Albania, but he has had sex with more Albanians than most
Albanians.

Chuck Norris gargles with antifreeze.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time
Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you
he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.

Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.

Chuck Norris plays Minesweeper with real mines and Hearts with real hearts.

Chuck Norris can watch a season of 24 in just three hours.

Someone once bet Chuck Norris he couldn't shit on the ceiling. Michelangelo still owes him ten
bucks.

The real secret to the success of Girls Gone Wild is that Chuck Norris is the cameraman.

Chuck Norris trims his beard with a dull bayonet.

Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.

When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the
doctor who slapped him on the butt.

In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.

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