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Chuck Norris jokes page 3

Chuck Norris exists only because because he kicked a man so hard that he flew back in time
and fell in love with his mother.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is
larger than the other one.

When Arnold says the line, "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie, it is implied that he is
going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he exhales on Nebraska.

Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high-five.

The average human sperm has a 1 in 600 chance of becoming a human. Chuck Norris's sperm
has a 1 in 10 chance of being wanted for murder in four states.

When Chuck Norris wants a salad, he eats a vegetarian.

Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.

Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on his jaw.
Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.

Chuck Norris isn't God, but he beats Him in golf.

Chuck Norris always has a smirk on his face when he watches the show I Didn't Know I Was

Similar to a Russian nesting doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find
another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris went to the DMV and the clerk asked him for three forms of ID. He gave her a
roundhouse kick, a whisker form his beard, and a Walker, Texas Ranger DVD.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from
Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

Katy Perry kissed a girl because Chuck Norris told her to. She didn't have a choice but to like

Chuck Norris is such a good salesman that he once talked an Amish housewife into buying a
plug-in dildo.

Chuck Norris does not eat honey, he chews bees.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and
Jackie Chan.

Chuck Norris employs a stunt double for his crying scenes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of
black and blue.

Chuck Norris made The Joker lose his permanent smile.

On the comments part in Chuck Norris's first-grade report card, it said, "What Mr. Norris lacks
in social skills he makes up for in the bedroom."

Chuck Norris once got 100 percent on a calculus exam by writing VIOLENCE for every question.
Chuck Norris solves all problems with violence.

Chuck Norris was one the original members of Wu-Tang clan, but quit because they weren't
street enough.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he
learns Chuck Norris is.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris would use guns if they didn't kill people so slowly.

There are three ways to do things: The right way, the wrong way, and the Chuck Norris way.
The Chuck Norris way is the same as the wrong way, but with more roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris's poop is used as currency in Argentina.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

If Chuck Norris looks at you and even thinks about Jesus, you are immediately converted to

Chuck Norris once struck lightning.

Most children remember bringing an apple to school for the teacher. Chuck Norris brought the
teacher's exhusband's heart in a plastic baggie.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the

Chuck Norris can send you a roundhouse kick by E-Mail.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

Chuck Norris was baptized with napalm.

The Burning Man festival got its start when Chuck Norris set fire to a bunch of hippies with his

Chuck Norris's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit
from anyone.

It never rains on Chuck Norris.

People don't actually die of natural "causes." It's just something doctors use because there's
only so many times you can say, "Chuck Norris did it again" in one day.

When girls have sex with God, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris ate a box of Alpha-Bits cereal and shat out the entire works of Edgar Allan Poe.

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