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Bill Vaughan quotes

1915 - 1977, American author and columnist

It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them.
Bill Vaughan

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another
nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
Bill Vaughan

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how
we took them along on all our picnics.
Bill Vaughan

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
Bill Vaughan

Either heaven or hell will have continous background music. Which one you think it will be
says a lot about you.
Bill Vaughan

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street
to vote in a national election.
Bill Vaughan

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives,
maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
Bill Vaughan

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime
income - which he then spends sending his son to college.
Bill Vaughan

As a nation, we are dedicated to keeping physically fit - and parking as close to the stadium
as possible.
Bill Vaughan

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a huge research staff to study the 
problem.
Bill Vaughan

At the bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your
own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.
Bill Vaughan

It might be a good idea if the various countries of the world would occasionally swap history
books, just to see what other people are doing with the same set of facts.
Bill Vaughan

We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before
was wrong.
Bill Vaughan

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
Bill Vaughan

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Bill Vaughan

The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't
take it, but somebody always does.
Bill Vaughan

Size isn't everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.
Bill Vaughan

One problem with growing older is that it gets increasingly tougher to find a famous historical
figure who didn't amount to much when he was your age.
Bill Vaughan

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in 
each other.
Bill Vaughan

In the next century it will be the early mechanical bird which gets the first plastic worm out of
the artificial grass.
Bill Vaughan

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of
swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.
Bill Vaughan

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the
pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
Bill Vaughan

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure
the old one leaves.
Bill Vaughan

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.
Bill Vaughan

Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have
time to get into mischief.
Bill Vaughan

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees then names the streets after them.
Bill Vaughan

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're
forced to.
Bill Vaughan

If you think that one individual can't make a difference in the world, consider what one cigar
can do in a nine-room house.
Bill Vaughan

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal
and outdoors with gas.
Bill Vaughan