Bill Cosby quotes page 1

born July 12, 1937, American comedian, educator and author

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
Bill Cosby

Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in 52 years
is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
Bill Cosby

Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look
half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they
look terrific.
Bill Cosby

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything,
even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.
Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby

There's no labor a man can do that's undignified; if he does it right.
Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go
of what's bitter and move on.
Bill Cosby

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
Bill Cosby

A word to the wise ain't necessary – it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: The wife is in charge.
Bill Cosby

Women don't want to hear what you think.
Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
Bill Cosby

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Bill Cosby

My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do
not want six.
Bill Cosby

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully
vague.
Bill Cosby

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
Bill Cosby

I wasn't always black. There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
Bill Cosby

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
Bill Cosby

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had
for invading Russia: It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bill Cosby

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find
laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those
who've never had any.
Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
Bill Cosby

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
Bill Cosby

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets
that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
Bill Cosby

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Bill Cosby

When you become senile, you won't know it.
Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to
do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
Bill Cosby

Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?"
Bill Cosby

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am
just sick..." And I said, "and tired." I don't remember anything after that.
Bill Cosby

A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an
all-time dumb person.
Bill Cosby

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful" and he said,
"Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"
Bill Cosby

Is the glass half full or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring or drinking.
Bill Cosby

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
Bill Cosby

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its
infancy.
Bill Cosby

Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either.
Bill Cosby

An American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
Bill Cosby

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has
overlooked.
Bill Cosby