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Alcohol quotes page 2

They say we're 98 per cent water. That means if you drink one glass of water, you're in
grave danger of drowning.
Steven Wright

If you drink you die, if you don't drink you die, so it is better to drink.
Russian proverb

Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other drug with special horror.
William S. Burroughs

I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ernest Hemingway

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth
or the fourteenth.
George Burns

Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry.
Johnny Carson

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
Robert A. Heinlein

He who does not risk, will never drink champagne.
Russian proverb

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?
Prince Philip, to a driving instructor in Scotland

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W.C. Fields

What is on a drunken man's lips is on a sober man's mind.
Danish proverb

The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an
earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?
Gerald R. Ford

I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.
Julia Child

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

A cask of wine will work more miracles than a church full of saints.
Italian proverb

There is more friendship in a half pint of whiskey than in a churn of buttermilk.
Irish proverb

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was
asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know.
Reelection to the Senate?"
Emo Philips

Wine sets an edge to wit.
English proverb

Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift…
The hangover comes the day after.
Joyce Brothers

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.
Scottish Proverb

Choose your company before you go drinking.
Irish proverb

An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is
much wiser than most men.
Charles Darwin

Happiness? A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman. Or a bad woman; it
depends on how much happiness you can handle.
George Burns

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the
alcohol ever distilled.
Ovid

Drunkenness is temporary suicide: The happiness it brings is merely negative, a momentary
cessation of unhappiness.
Bertrand Russell

I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.
Anon

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.
Bob Marley

Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition, men have at all times,
and in all countries, called in some physical aid to their moral consolations - wine, beer,
opium, brandy, or tobacco.
Edmund Burke

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.
Charlie Chaplin

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Steve Martin

There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is
produced as by a good tavern.
Samuel Johnson

Beer. Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 1863.
T-shirt slogan

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas

There are better things in life than alcohol, but it makes up for not having them.
Terry Pratchett

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine,
sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

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